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Updated March
07, 2019
Praise has a
therapeutic effect on the receiver. It helps to restore a person's self-esteem.
It gives hope. Praise is not flattery. There is a distinct difference between
the two.
Learn to Differentiate Between Praise and Flattery
There is a
popular Aesop's tale about the foolish crow and the wily fox. A hungry crow
finds a piece of cheese and sits on a branch of a tree to enjoy his meal. A fox
who was equally hungry sees the crow with the piece of cheese. Since he badly
wants the food, he decides to trick the crow with flattering words. He lavishes
praise on the crow by calling him a beautiful bird. He says that he would like
to hear the crow's sweet voice, and asks the crow to sing. The foolish crow
believes that the praise is genuine, and opens his mouth to sing. Only to
realize that he had been fooled by the wily fox when the cheese was hungrily
devoured by the fox.
What Is the Difference Between Praise and Flattery?
The difference
lies in the intent of the words. You can praise someone for their actions, or
the lack of it, while flattery can be vague, undefined, and even false. Here
are some ways to spot the difference between praise and flattery.
Praise Is Specific to a Task or an Action. Flattery Is
Adulation Without a Cause.
Praise is an
actionable device to encourage a positive outcome. For instance, a teacher
could praise her student by saying, "John, your handwriting has improved
since last week. Good job!" Now, such words of praise can help John to
improve his handwriting further. He knows what his teacher likes, and he can
work on his handwriting to produce better results. However, if the teacher
says, "John, you're good in class. I think you're the best!" these
words are unspecific, vague, and offer no direction for improvement to the receiver.
John will, of course, feel good about the kind words from his teacher, but he
wouldn't know how to be better in his class.
Praise Intends to Encourage, Flattery, Intends to
Deceive.
Flattery is
buttering up. With flattering words, someone hopes to get their job done
without any concern for the person who receives the flattery. Flattery is based
on an ulterior motive, that only benefits the flatterer. On the other hand,
praise benefits the receiver, by encouraging the receiver to see the positive
side of life. Praise helps others to recognize their talents, raise their
self-esteem, restore hope, and give direction. Praise helps both the giver and
the receiver.
Those Who Praise Are Immensely Self-Confident, Those Who
Flatter Don't Have Confidence.
Since flattery
is manipulative, flatterers are usually spineless, weak, and of poor character. They feed on other's ego
and hope to get scraps of goodies from egocentric megalomaniacs. Those who
flatter don't have leadership qualities. They lack the
personality to inspire and instill confidence.
On the other
hand, praise givers are usually self-confident and assume leadership
positions. They are able to infuse positive energy in their team, and they know
how to channel the energy of each member of the team through praise and
encouragement. By giving praise, they can not just help others grow, but they
also enjoy self-growth. Praise and appreciation go hand in hand. And so does
flattery and adulation.
Praise Fosters Trust, Flattery Fosters Mistrust.
Would you trust
a person who tells you how wonderful you are, how kind you are, or how great
you are? Or would you trust a person who tells you that you are a good
co-worker, but you need to improve your social skills?
It is tough to
spot flattery if the flatterer is cunning enough to veil his words to sound
like appreciation. A devious person could make flattery look like genuine
praise. In the words of Walter Raleigh:
"But it is hard to know them from
friends, they are so obsequious and full of protestations; for a wolf resembles
a dog, so doth a flatterer a friend."
You have to be
careful when you receive compliments that amount to nothing. Flattery according
to the Bible, "is a form of hatred." Flattery can be used to
manipulate, cheat, deceive, and hurt others.
Beware of Flattery Because Flatterers Can Hurt You
Words that are
sweetened with honeyed words can fool the gullible. Don't let others sway you
by their sweet words that mean nothing. If you meet someone who praises you
without reason or charms you with honeyed words of appreciation, it is time to
cock your ears and listen beyond the words. Ask yourself:
'Is he or she
trying to woo me? What are his/her intentions?'
'Are these
words true or false?'
'Can there be
an ulterior motive behind these flattering words?'
Accept Praise With a Pinch of Salt
Let praise or
flattery not go into your head. While it is good to hear praise, accept it with
a pinch of salt. Perhaps, the person who praised you is usually generous. Or
perhaps, the person praising you wants something out of you. Flattery can be
exhausting, even if they are generous. It is like eating too much sweet and
feeling sick after a while. Praise, on the other hand, is measured, specific,
and direct.
Know Who Your Real Friends and Well Wishers Are
Sometimes,
those who criticize you more often than praise you have the best interest in
their heart. They may be stingy when it comes to praise, but their words of
appreciation are more genuine than compliments you gather from a stranger.
Learn to spot your true friends, from those who are friends in good times.
Shower praises and compliments wherever necessary, but not because you want to
gain a fat favor. Be genuine and specific while praising someone, if you want
to be accepted as a well-wisher. If someone flatters you, and you are unable to
tell whether it is flattery or praise, double check with a true friend, who can
help you see the difference. A good friend will puncture your inflated ego, and
bring you back to ground reality if the need arises.
Here are 15
quotes that talk about praise and flattery. Follow the advice given in these 15
inspirational quotes on praise and flattery, and you will be able to tell the
difference between praise and flattery every time.
- Between
flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt. — Minna
Antrim
- None are
more taken in by flattery than the proud, who wish to be the first and are
not. — Baruch Spinoza
- Just
praise is only a debt, but flattery is a present. — Samuel Johnson
- Sweet
words are like honey, a little may refresh, but too much gluts the
stomach. — Anne Bradstreet
- He that
flatters you more than you desire either has deceived you or wishes to
deceive. — Italian Proverb
- The
sweetest of all sounds is praise. — Xenophon
- It is one
thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it. — Miguel de
Cervantes
- It is
wonderful to have someone praise you, to be desired. — Marilyn Monroe
- You can't
let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in
either one. — John Wooden
- In the
best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is
necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning. — Leo
Tolstoy
- Praise,
like sunlight, helps all things to grow. — Croft M. Pentz
- If you're
sincere, praise is effective. If you're insincere, it's manipulative. —
Zig Ziglar
- The
trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than
saved by criticism. — Norman Vincent Peale
- There is
no investment you can make which will pay you so well as the effort to
scatter sunshine and good cheer through your establishment. — Orison Swett
Marden
- We
increase whatever we praise. The whole creation responds to praise and is
glad. — Charles Fillmore
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