In my books, noted below, I often lament about the lack of civility, deterioration of written communication and abuse of the power of the Internet. Electronic communication, in my opinion, breeds negativity and behavior which does not exist in direct communication.
The following is an except from my first book which addresses angry email replies.
Enjoy the article and check out the website!
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Before you react to in anger,
consider some of the following points, and then take appropriate actions. Foremost,
remember that an angry reply will seldom result in anything positive. The
best approach is to consider the three Zs:
namely, zero tolerance reaction, zeal in replying, and Zen attitude and tone. To begin with, it is
critical to understand what the cost of a flame war can be to all involved. A flame war is a term often used to
describe email arguments that are unfriendly. Many escalate into increasingly
intensive language or tone. The second consideration is by creating a zero
tolerance toward situations or persons. This attitude may prove to have or
cause far more loss than gain. The first step should be to pause and not reply
rapidly, which will benefit both sides (more of a Zen approach or the old count-to-ten
approach).
By
refraining from using zeal caused by anger, turn this instead into a situation
where positives can occur. Consider the facts that prompted what is or appears
to be an angry communication. Consideration should also be taken for any known
or likely reasons that evoked an immediate negative reaction. Attempt also to
visualize before you send a reply how to minimize any further irritation for
everyone. When finally replying after a cooling-down session, ensure that, no
matter what the outcome may be, matters are not made worse.
Alea
jacta est.
—Julius Caesar
The
above words (The die is cast) were spoken when
Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon. In his day, gambling with dice was very
popular. The clearer meaning here is
that once rolled, the dice result cannot be changed.
Before email
correspondence, parties crossed to a situation from which there is no return. One
is better served to attempt to get clarification, inquiring in such a way as to
seek further information, rather than to assume the worst. It is almost always
best to ensure that no additional parties are brought into the communication,
which could scarcely be of benefit for anyone involved and can only exacerbate
the situation. Mail flame-wars or multiple, back-and-forth, hostile email
exchanges end up bringing in additional people, which makes it far more
difficult to resolve what was started. Keep in mind that it is easier and less
painful to resolve what may initially be simple or innocent misunderstandings.
Sometimes,
it may prove best not to respond to an angry email. This may provide a useful cooling-down
interval and let a potentially time- consuming and damaging situation dissipate
harmlessly. This situation can also contribute to increased anger from the
original sender. There are several items to keep in mind when weighing this
option of waiting. First, determine if a true question was asked or if an
answer was asked for. Second, consideration should be given as to whether this
is a personal, business, or necessary contact to maintain. Is the person or
persons of significance to cause damage or continue a flame war with others you
know? Perhaps the sender was bluffing or blowing off steam regarding a
situation. Any of these considerations might have enough value to provide a
logical reason to choose not to reply.
Finally,
if one selects to reply, ensure that there is not a clouding of judgment. Take
any steps, such as a delay of an hour or even a day, to provide for this. Consider
also direct contact. The personal reaching-out and contact may be just the
solution. Additionally, make sure all reasonable considerations have been made
to understand everyone’s point of view. Realize that attempting to change another’s
opinion, philosophy, or feeling of being may be misunderstood.
If
and when one does reply, one should keep
true to the Zen of the three Zs. Senders should seek to appreciate and understand the position or
condition that caused the situation. When objective reasoning is in place, then
a reply can be created. Senders should also go over any important items step by
step. Keep the text at a minimum, with proper attention given to tone, attitude, and
normal Netiquette considerations. Ask if your reply is deemed satisfactory, or
if it requires more information, and inquire if a further response is
necessary.
If
a determination has been made that an angry email sender is correct, it is
essential to quickly reply and acknowledge what has been in error. If
corrective action needs to be taken, good Netiquette is to clearly state what
this is and provide a reasonable time line and explanation with all the
particulars. If an apology is in order, it is important that it is done
without delay. When this has been accomplished, a response for status is good
Netiquette. If no response is given, one should not take offense. The recipient
may believe the matter is closed. Lastly, decide if it is a reasonable action
to inquire again, after an interval of at least several days, if all is in
order. If no response again occurs, state that the matter will be considered
closed if no further communication regarding this matter is tendered. At this
point it is best to let the matter rest.
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Another Special Announcement - Tune in to my radio interview, on Rider University's station, www.1077thebronc.com I discuss my recent book, above on "Your Career Is Calling", hosted by Wanda Ellett.
In addition to this blog, Netiquette IQ
has a website with great
assets which are being added to on a regular basis. I have authored the
premiere book on Netiquette, “Netiquette IQ - A Comprehensive Guide to
Improve,
Enhance and Add Power to Your Email". My new book, “You’re Hired! Super
Charge
Your Email Skills in 60 Minutes. . . And Get That Job!” has just been
published and will be followed by a trilogy of books on Netiquette for
young people. You can view my
profile, reviews of the book and content excerpts at:
www.amazon.com/author/paulbabicki
In addition to this blog, I maintain a radio show on BlogtalkRadio and an online newsletter via paper.li.I have established Netiquette discussion groups with Linkedin and Yahoo. I am also a
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contributing to the blogs Everything Email and emailmonday . My work has appeared in numerous publications and I have presented to groups such as The Breakfast Club of NJ and PSG of Mercer County, NJ.
I am the president of Tabula Rosa Systems,
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Over
the past twenty-five years, I have enjoyed a dynamic and successful
career and have attained an extensive background in IT and electronic
communications by selling and marketing within the information
technology marketplace.Anyone who would like to review the book and have it posted on my blog or website, please contact me paul@netiquetteiq.com.
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